Time to Relate

In past months, I have been asked the same questions that I have meant to answer and well they have just stayed on my list.  So, I thought I would try and get started on those. 

What is the hardest thing about staying at home with Caden?

There are a couple of approaches to this question because over 15 months it has changed some and will continue to do so with new challenges but I will say that there is an overlying theme to the various answers. Isolation.

          At first this was primarily due to feeding Caden.  Since I was nursing him that meant that for the most part only I could feed him throughout the day.  Fortunately for us, he was a good eater but that meant an average of 40-45 minute feedings.  That is a long time to sit by yourself doing every 2-3 hours and then 3-4 hours.  Yes, it was wonderful time spent with him but the choice to do this is for obvious reasons a much more isolating decision than to bottle feed.  You can do that anywhere with anyone.  I suppose you could nurse like that as well, but I don’t like to make the whole world uncomfortable just some choice friends.   

         It isn’t the isolation that comes from not interacting with a ton of adults each day or working around his schedule that are difficult, but others perceptions of how my life works which makes them choose to further isolate me.  Let me explain.  Sure, I used to be able to drop anything and meet a friend or go somewhere without much issue or consequence.  Believe it or not, I could still do that more or less, but no one thinks you can.  So, slowly the invites and being included just sort of go away.  It is as if because you have allowed others to have a glimpse into your daily life or your responsibilities with child the assumption is you can’t do it, lets not bother.  I think that just because it isn’t as convenient doesn’t mean the effort shouldn’t be put out. It is as if I need to wear a sign or send out a memo that says -

“Yes I have a child. Yes I am pregnant.  No I can’t just leave him at home but I can make arrangements or bring him.  Yes, it is still me and yes I do in fact want to see and spend time with you.”

I still have life experiences, I still have jokes, I still have things to share, issues not related to children to vent about and I still want to listen to you.  I still like drinks (if I wasn’t pregnant but water will do), I still like Happy Hour.  I can still relate.

But you have to let me. 
You can’t count me out before even asking.

Staying at home with Caden has been to best decision for our family.  It truly works for us and we hope to continue to be fortunate enough to stay on this path.  I love being home with him and a part of his daily life.  As an educator I love getting to work hands on with my own child to watch him learn and grown and already become his own person. 

For me, there couldn’t be a more rewarding job. 
Isolation and all.

Just remember that when you have had a busy week at work or are tired at the end of the day, your friends that stay at home with their children feel the same way.  They don’t just sit there at home.  They don’t get breaks.  They don’t get to leave work at work.  Yes, they chose it just like you hopefully chose your career path.  They feel the same way.

“Yes I have a child. Yes I am pregnant.  No I can’t just leave him at home but I can make arrangements or bring him.  Yes, it is still me and yes I do in fact want to see and spend time with you.”

I still have life experiences, I still have jokes, I still have things to share, issues not related to children to vent about and I still want to listen to you.  I still like drinks (if I wasn’t pregnant but water will do), I still like Happy Hour.  I can still relate.