Home Stretch

Posted by casey on November 29, 2009 in Home, Life as I Know It |

24weeksAs I am crossing the line into trimester numero tres, the last stretch (minus the actual ability to stretch)  if you will I am most definitely pregnant…and hormonal.  This is when it is a blessing that Colter is only here half of each month right now so that he gets a break from the sudden and irrational bouts of irritation, tears, giggles and yes, nesting.   (Dad, aren’t you excited to come spend a couple weeks with me? :) ) If I hadn’t realized it before, there is absolutely no way I can disguise and or forget the fact that I am pregnant.

Top 20 Reasons you Know I am Knocked Up (by my loving husband…so I should say “with child” and be more appropriate)
(Go ahead and go out of order and go straight to # 17…it is shocking)

1. I ate three Thanksgiving meals on Thanksgiving, took a 3 1/2 hour nap and was still hungry.
2.I opened the pantry, burst into tears at its lack of organization and went into attack mode.  Half of our food got thrown away, boxes were flattened like no other and the shelves now are much better.
3. I am up at 3 a.m. every night for a nice little restroom break at which point I also have to chug a glass of water for my body is telling me it has been in the desert for three days with nothing to hydrate it.
4.Due to number three above, I am up again at 5 a.m. since I chugged a full glass of water and well Baby Kaz decided it was time to get up.
5. I look like a rolly-poly as I try to change sides in bed, lean back or forward to get comfortable in a chair or get up from a sitting position on the floor.
6.The belly button…it is going to pop out any day now, and I assure you I will cry when it happens.  Something about those “outy” belly buttons just freaks me out.
7. 5 minutes on the stationary bike kicked my ass – so much for the 5 miles I used to run
8.I desperately want a hard cardio workout ( I think I crave it more than any food cravings I have had), but from something other than walking around the house or heave forbid I get to a flight of stairs.  Having to stay off your feet doesn’t help much either!
9.Baby Kaz’s cute little kicks are starting to turn into monster drop kicks that I fear soon enough will be making my ribs want to hide in my throat.
10.  There is a project I want to complete in every single room of my home.  Not strange you think?  How about I want it done so badly that it takes every bit of sanity I have to not walk around with a sledge hammer and just get started. :)
11.I have had to tell Colter on more than one occasion. “If I were you I would just stay out of my way and let me go.” as I go off on another random rampage about something while he is so patiently trying to talk me out of it. Bless him.
12. Full waddle.  Side to side…like a penguin…an unbalanced penguin with no center of gravity…who wants to wear its skinny jeans.
13. I need one of those poles with the claw hand so I don’t have to leave everything I drop on the floor.
14. I’ve said it before, but the boobs…they are cantaloupes.  Unfortunately I think they may be watermelons by the time all is said and done.
15. That “glow” I am supposed to have is more of a translucent, “Are you ill because I can see your veins or you must be allergic to the sun?”,  kind of glow.
16. I have become all too familiar with public restrooms.  Target…the mall…grocery…random neighbors (kidding).  Seriously, when someone is tap dancing on your bladder you try and tell yourself you don’t have to go.
17. A stranger came up to me, rubbed my belly and said “Say hi to Grandma Sheryl, I mean Aunt Sheryl.”  Why is that weird? Read it again.  A STRANGER….neither my child’s grandmother or aunt.
18. Depending on the time of day, I may or may not be able to reach my feet to tie my shoes anymore.   Or remove my shoes.  Velcro orthopedics, here I come!
19.  I still think I can do things like say, oh I don’t know, put up a Christmas tree by myself only to be shot down and swiftly reminded about the rolly-poly, no center of gravity, can’t bend over thing.

And Drumroll please……the 20th reason you know I am knocked up is that when my poor husband walks into the room, this is the view of his beautiful wife that he gets….and then chooses to document.


I start hearing the Pussycat Doll’s song “Don’t cha” personally.  Oh come on, you know the song…”Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me.”  That’s right be jealous, you can’t pay to look that good.


  • Jessica says:

    I’d like to volunteer a #21: The sniss aka the sneeze/piss hahaha.

    I love the pic Colter snagged of you on the couch. There’s so much truth to it that it makes me tear up remembering my own naps holding my belly. The sacrifice for 9 months of discomfort is a lifetime of reward.

  • When the bellybutton pops, put two bandaids in the shape of an x over it and it will cover it up under clothes so you don’t get the preggers outie that can be seen from a mile away!

  • Gloria says:

    Jessica, I’m laughing my butt off! I so remember those days. It’s worth the extra weight, pain to reach your feet, pray you don’t drop another dang thing on the floor, kid kicking your ribs and bladder. One look and you will instantly forget the “uncomfortable” time. Such a blessing. My Jessica is now 22 and my “little man” Chris is 15 but I remember holding their precious little hands in mine. From one mother to another, enjoy this beautiful time of peace and yearning to hold your little one in your arms.

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