The Chase – “Is This Really Happening?” Part Two

Posted by casey on September 7, 2009 in For Your Funny Bone, Uncategorized |

I had plans to make you wait longer, but I am getting death threats…and I really need to back off on the crime in my life after last night.  Confused? 
You must not have read Part One which was posted this morning.  I will begin Part Two, but I warn you…there is going to be a bit of dialogue which is just too good to be left out.

Part One left you with this….”That way, we don’t come back to find the car gone but I mean really, who steals three purses and then comes back for the car.  Right? Right? I  mean seriously.  My pregnant ass is less than thrilled to leave Colter sitting outside waiting for this “enter choice name here” to come back, but fine.  Plus, he isn’t coming back. No way.

We turn and walk into the garage and are going up the elevator to Mark and Leah’s car.  Emily is on the only cell phone we have trying to cancel her credit card.  We are in the car, pulling out of the garage only to hear Colter point and yell “That is them!” to the car behind us. ”

Let the chase Commence

At this point, I am going to take a step back and explain what was happening in two different situations at the same time.  Both equally ridiculous.

As we were walking into the garage, you should recall that I mentioned Emily was on the phone trying to cancel her credit card.  I love these games…this is how her conversation was going.

Emily: Hi, yes, I need to report my credit card stolen and cancel it.  No, I don’t have the credit card number, because it was just stolen.
Operator: Oh, let me transfer you to the right person.
Emily: Okay, thanks.
Emily: Hi, yes, I need to report my credit card stolen and cancel it.  No, I don’t have the credit card number, because it was just stolen.  No, I don’t have the card…it was STOLEN.
Operator: Oh, let me transfer you to the right department.
Emily to Us: I am on to operator number three and so far they all think I can read them the credit card number off the card I’m telling them was just taken..”

Continue that conversation on one side of your brain, because let me tell you it definitely continued just like that.  While she was battling Moronville via the phone and we were getting in the car Colter, who was two stories below and 30 seconds from us was experiencing his own battle.  I introduce to you Dallas Douchebag…

Re-Told From the Hubs:
So I am sitting there, a couple of cars down from the car when I hear “Beep, Beep” and the yellow lights on the front of our car flash when you are unlocking it.
Colter…to Himself: Wait, was that my car?  No way.
Colter, Running Towards Dallas Douchebag: Hey, Man…
DD: Oh hey, how you doing?
Colter: Well, its weird, my car just flashed and unlocked, but I don’t have the keys.  You’re standing there, so you must have the keys.
DD…Backing Away: Oh, no man. I’m just leaving the bars and my girl is trying to help me find my car.
Colter: Yeah, well, this is my car and you just unlocked it.

Dallas Douchebag turns and jumps back into the getaway vehicle as we are pulling out of the garage discussing how crazy this is, what a pain in the ass it is with NO IDEA how crazy it is about to get.  Colter is running towards us with his phone to his ear (calling the cops) and yells “That is them, they just came for the car, those are the guys.”

Visual - Mr. Mark McDonough is courteously driving his Altima packed with three girls (one pregnant) in cocktail dresses.  His wife is in the front seat with her head hanging out the window and hands perched on the door frame like a small puppy, Emily is half out of the car still on the phone with the lovely credit card company who is confused as to why she can’t read them the credit card number and I am trying to figure out why my husband is yelling and pointing.  All of the sudden we all look behind us and see the “suspects” SUV and then Mark, has suddenly transformed into Mario Andretti.

Mark in a Not-Angry but Totally Serious Yell: In or out, girls, in or out!!!!
(We had no option…no time to get out, so we are all in)

Mark flips the car in reverse and the next thing we are know, we are flying down this “street” in reverse. Flying…but in a very controlled manner because Mark’s driving skills are so superb.  I swear I am not actually being sarcastic, it was impressive.  We hit the intersection in reverse (please do not be afraid, these were fake streets at this point no real danger of collision) and he flips in into drive.  I turn into mother bear…

Me: Seatbelts (calmly)….seatbelts (a little louder)…SEATBELTS!!!!
Emily: No, I want to cancel the card….CANCEL IT! (yes still on the only phone we have)
Me: Leah, get your head in the car.  Leah, get your head in. LEAH!!! GET YOUR HEAD INSIDE THE CAR!
(I swear, she was singing a musical version of this as it was happening in her head…complete with hand motions and wind through the hair)

Inside My Head: “Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do…Whatcha Gonna Don When They Come For You….”
Inside Leah’s Head: (so she told me later) Casey’s pregnant, Casey’s pregnant, Casey’s pregnant…
Inside Emily’s Head: The card…I just want to cancel the credit card.

So we are racing around Plano, following this vehicle which is realizing that we are following them and starting to fly.  Mark, so kindly informs us that “If you are uncomfortable at any point, let me know, because I will be driving fast.”  I start thinking that we are probably going to need to cops because I am picturing a continuous chase and I mean, we have things handled pretty nicely but a little back-up would be nice.  We have a problem though.  Since our purses were stolen by the same “enter choice name here” who just came back and tried to steal my car we only have one phone, Mark’s, and guess who is still trying to cancel her credit card?

Me: Emily, I need the phone. Em, hang up I think I need the phone.
Emily: Is the card canceled. Have you done that?
Me: Em, I really need that phone.  I need to call the cops.
Emily: I just need the card stopped bc I am going to have to call the police now.
Me: Emily, I need the phone. Em, hang up I think I need the phone. Em we only have one phone and I need to call the cops. EM, GIVE ME THE PHONE!!!

The phone which would randomly hook up to bluetooth so that we could hear that yes,  Emily did go to Target and spend $7.57 that day but no, she did not in the past 40 minutes charge $1,585 or $1,464 or $1,693 ot $1,238 or $269 all at Wal-Mart was now dialing 911 courtesy of my speedy fingers and I was connected. Uh-oh

Me: Ummmm yes…we are currently following a vehincle who attempted to steal my car after stealing our purses from a wedding. (I’m a girl, its hard for me to be brief)
Operator: Where are you?
In My Head: Oh, no…directions.
Me: Mark, where are we? Spring Creek and Tennyson, going NW…now we are going East…oh we turned again. Ummmm….
In My Head: They are never going to find us because I don’t know cardinal directions – fan-freaking-tastic.
Me: It is a blue or black SUV…Acura…and the license plate is…DAMN – temporary.
Operator: Is someone else in your car calling this in also?
Me: I don’t think so, this is the only phone. No definitely not. No one else is calling.
Operator: We are getting another report (turns out that was Colter…oh yeah…my husband…who we left in the dust so he could watch his pregnant wife and three friends fly off on a high speed chase)
Operator: We have three cops dispatched your way, do you still have the car?
Me: Yes they are still in front of us, we are flying, I mean..driving safely at a comfortable distance so as not to endanger ourselves.
Oh, they stopped! They stopped at an apartment complex…they are pulling over!!! Ummmm, ohhhhh, ummmmm

To Be Continued…To Go, or Not to Go

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