What??? Wait, Did That Just Happen?

Posted by casey on September 7, 2009 in For Your Funny Bone, Friends, Home |


There is nothing like waking up at 11 a.m. to realize you did not get enough sleep and no, last night’s “events” were not in fact a dream.  Since arriving home at 5 a.m. this morning my brain has been running a million different ways to retell this and I just don’t think there is a way to do it justice.  Have no fear, your fearless blog leader will give it a shot though and I am warning you in advance that yes, it will jump all over the place because well…that is how it happened.  There is only one picture which you won’t see until the end, so be patient.


A very dear friend of ours who I work with, was getting married last night, and we were truly honored to be invited and a part of her special day.  I said “ours” because there are some key players who you will become even more familiar with as the night progresses who were very much a part of the event.  I’ll give you a sort of run-down of these lovely characters so that you can feel you are reading a program to a play….(this is for you Leah)

The Cast
1. Colter, also known as the hubs.  Yes, he was in town!
2. Leah, the sassy, tiny friend who I think is always thinking of how she could turn something into a chipper Brodway musical.  (Leah taught 4th grade with me and now teaches 3rd grade with me and when I hear her Sunshine and Rainbows voice being all cheery with the children I think that I should try that sometime…but alas it never happens.)
3. Mark, the other male counterpart for the evening, Leah’s hubs who turned into Mario Andretti .
4. Emily, my fellow victim who does not think in terms of musicals much like me and not like Leah and also does not have a Sunshine and Rainbows voice when she teaches her now 5th grade class.  See Emily, we aren’t alone.
5. Yours Truly – I figured you understood that since I am writing this, but who wants to be left out of the program

Supporting Roles
6. Paul Blart – Okay, no, Kevin James was not actually there as Mall Cop, but his equally “courageous and important” twin was there as “Hotel Cop”
7. Dallas Douchebag – We will get to him, but just picture this…trendy button down, expensive jeans, highlighed spiked hair and steroids
8. The Plano Police – 3 squad cars…possibly 4 at one point
9. Mark’s Phone – Yes, the phone was a key character because it was the only one we had left.

Okay, here we go.  We were having a BLAST at the wedding.  It was seriously the most fun I have had with friends in months.  The bride was stunning, the venue was gorgeous and there was plenty of laughing, wonderful food and a fantastic band made this wedding hard to not have fun at.  As usual, the gentlemen stayed at the table during most of the reception making fun of us and I can only guess what other smart mouthed comments they had going on.  We managed, towards the end of the evening to finally pull them onto the dance floor for one song. (It was Justin Timberlake…Mark has a thing for, ummm, well, nevermind)  Worn out, we decided that will be the end of our wonderful evening and it was time to retire to our homes.

Step One – Put Shoes Back On
Step Two – Say Adios to Our Boss and Fellow Colleagues Sitting at the NEXT Table
Step Three – Grab our Purses From the Table

Step one and two went beautifully.  Step Three is where the little mishap came into play.  No more purses. I know, I know it is a wedding, they were misplaced right? Nope, goner.  I mentioned our boss and colleagues at the next table because their purses were safe and sound.  I also mentioned that we pulled the guys up for one song because other than that they had sat there the entire night.  I smell some awesomeness coming!

For Emily, big time bad news… ID, Credit Cards, Cash, Phone, Car Keys, the works.  Not so bad for me (in comparison)…I-Phone (who doesn’t want to replace one of those), Lip- Stick (important part I promise) and that is it.  Oh damn. No it isn’t.  This is when I remember Colter joking at the beginning of the wedding about my personal rehab system of pregnancy and how I can no longer drink.  This was when he laughed and handed me the keys because I will be our DD for the next 5 months and I put those babies right inside my purse.  The purse that I no longer have. Damn. Damn, damn, damn.

I’m going to shorten this next part.  As it turns out another lady’s purse and a different adjoining table was also missing and she happened to be enraged.  We were still baffled that this was actually happening.  The hotel staff is on it and convinced we misplaced them. (Our wonderful boss kindly informed “Paul Blart – Hotel Cop” that if any of us said we left them in a certain location that is where we left them, we don’t just misplace things.)  We are trying to not draw attention to ourselves because we don’t want our friend the bride to see any of this going on while she is leaving. (Victim #3 didn’t care much about that.)  As we are talking to the hotel staff/security again another couple walks up to ask if anything is missing because they saw some guy walk into the reception in a white button down and jeans which they thought was strange at the time because it was a black tie wedding. (Yes, I would say that is weird.  How about you alert someone at the time? Crazy idea, I know)  Well, at least we have an idea now right?  Then another guest comes up to say she confronted this jerk as to why he was there but he gave her the old…”Oh, we are with the groom and just got off work, that is why I am dressed like this….and carrying purses.”

If there is anything we know at this point it is that the purses are definitely gone and they might have him on camera, but still they are gone.  Between our cast we only have one car and one phone and we need to get home.  We also have come to a decision that leaving my car parked out front overnight of this venue (which is not easy to get to but tangled into the streets of the Shops of Legacy) is not a great idea when your keys which have remote access are floating around in some jerk’s hand.  Since I haven’t reminded everyone yet, I am going to go ahead and do so now. I am pregnant.  So, Colter, my husband, is going to stay behind he decides and sit relatively near the car while we “run home” (40 min away) to get the other keys and come back.  That way, we don’t come back to find the car gone but I mean really, who steals three purses and then comes back for the car.  Right? Right? I  mean seriously.  My pregnant ass is less than thrilled to leave Colter sitting outside waiting for this “enter choice name here” to come back, but fine.  Plus, he isn’t coming back. No way.

We turn and walk into the garage and are going up the elevator to Mark and Leah’s car.  Emily is on the only cell phone we have trying to cancel her credit card.  We are in the car, pulling out of the garage only to hear Colter point and yell “That is them!” to the car behind us. 

To be continued…let the chase commence.


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