Let’s Try This Again

Posted by casey on January 12, 2017 in Uncategorized |

A New Start.
A New Year.
Lots of new choices.

Almost four months ago, when I last wrote,  I decided “I was back.”  Back to not just reflecting because that is instinctual for me, but back to putting the pen to paper, or in this case, fingers to keyboard on those reflections.  Emptying my brain, releasing my thoughts, carrying on with life as usual. There was A LOT going on, and writing seemed to be the perfect fit.  But you see, because of all that was surrounding my brain, I couldn’t escape it enough to decompress and ultimately, deliver.  But the thing is, I am not going to apologize for that. Not to myself, not to this computer and not to the world around me.  Why?  Grace.  Lots of grace.  Lots of space.

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I am giving myself an abundance of grace these days.
I am also living knowing that I am doing the best I can, and I would like to think we all are. Giving it our best, giving it a “go”, and giving grace in the unfilled gaps.

This past year, start to finish for us, was hard. HARD. H.A.R.D.

That is not to say that there weren’t joys, triumphs, memories, laughs and blessings. But when we really think back on the year, rough, tough, trying, tricky are just a few of the immediate adjectives that come to mind.  I have thought a lot about this because I tend to jump to absolutes which is one of the many things I have and do work on.  Example: How was your day?  “The kids were a mess.”  (When really they 8W5A1730@SouthernMaePhotographyweren’t so bad, but the last 30 minutes have clouded that)

Knowing that tendency, classifying a whole year, 365 days as hard, seemed a bit much. So I thought and I thought and I talked and I thought and I came to the conclusion with gratitude for the good and growth from the bad that yep, 2016 was still hard.  Physically and emotionally.  The double whammy.

So, as we approached the end of the year I was more and more inclined to dig, dive in, and dissect how I was feeling and why, what I enjoyed and why, and what could or needed to change and why.

I needed some change.
A tad in routine.
Some in acceptance.
An abundance in perspective.

8W5A2902@SouthernMaePhotography

It all can be summed up by a few things

- those who matter most and are deserving most of my time, love, attention and efforts happen to be all male and reside in my home.

- these days that I am living right now are what I will remember about the life I had so I darn better make sure I am doing what I want to be doing and it is directed at my personal goal/role/loves

- these days that I am living right now are what my three boys will remember about their childhood and mom growing up so I darn better make sure I am giving their hearts and heads what I promised when I brought them into this world.

- I am a mom.  I am a stay at home mom.  Despite what the world around us says, that is enough.  I do not have to prove that I can do more, am intelligent enough for more, am woman enough for more, am capable of more.  I am a mom and that is enough for me. It always has been, it is what I want to do.  Dream met. Let me be.

DSC_1891_edited-1So there you have it.  My focus is and will continue to be inside my home.  My brain is decompressing from 2016.  I just finished getting the Christmas decor down because, grace y’all.  “Ain’t nobody coming over anyway so who says it has to be done in a day?”  My body is decompressing from 2016 and I am re-centering my spirit and head while re-vamping how it feels when I move…lets get rid of that stiffness before another wonderfully year of age makes that a little tougher.  My home is recovering from 2016.   Every cabinet, drawer, closet, nook, under the bed, between the cushions spot is already in the process of being gone through, thrown out and simplified.  Why?  Because life is happening, and I don’t want to miss it buried in broken toys, unused knick knacks, worn out clothes and well, trash.

- More laughing, less observing.
– More listening, less multitasking.
– More naps, less busy.
– More talking, less screens.
– More calls, less texts.
– More pictures, less pushed aside.
– More “No”, Less “Yes”.
– More teaching, less bossing.
– More want to, less have to.

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More.  More of us in 2017.  Less of Everything Else. Let’s Try This Again.

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