In the Four

Posted by casey on May 6, 2015 in Family, Life as I Know It |

Looking back to 2011, I so clearly remember changing our family dynamic from three to four.  So lately, I feel as though my eyes have been zooming in on and recording every bit of our final moments together as a family of four…

waiting to be five.

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As a family of four, we have very much found our groove.  It has been three and a Bluebonnets 005half years so I suppose that should be a given, but that isn’t always the case. There are the ins and outs of keeping things “normal” while shifting and adjusting to accommodate this new little person and the new roles each person takes on.

With Everett, there was a lot of adjusting and accepting and admitting to what we could and could not do with a challenging newborn, infant and well…toddler due to all of his allergies.

Now, there is the making sure that oldest who whether he consciously remembers it or not was an only child at one point, still gets alone time and to feel like that one Bluebonnets 013and only.  Then there is that baby who is no longer the baby but now a big brother too still gets his snuggles, and bedtime love well, some baby time.  Oh yes, and then there is the prepping for the newest little one…though somehow the third time around you know that no matter what you prep and how you organize life is about to get R.E.A.L real, real quick once he arrives.

We have found our groove and our biggest preparation is preparing to be out of that groove for a little while again as we bond and nurture and love and make room for this third little love, our newest baby brother.

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We have been blessed with two very sweet boys who have settled us into being a fBluebonnets 006amily, being parents and have taught us what the real purpose of our life here is.  I think that they are as patient with us as parents as we try (and fail) to be with them.  They understand we aren’t perfect and so easily accept our apologies to them when maybe we are a little to harsh, or fall short on a promise, no matter how small.  I have been amazed at their sympathy to me as I have grown and waddled and have gotten to be a slower version of their mama.  Everett runs to pick up anything he can for me saying “Mommy, you just can’t do Bluebonnets 017that with that big ol’ belly.”  Caden will ask if I need to rest on the couch and then inform me that “You’re just so pretty when you are sleeping.”  Sweetness.  All for their mama who is not always so sweet and understanding to them.  That is what these children give me, a reflection and a reason to continue to grow and adapt and learn.

And so we get ready to do that again. All of us are so ready to meet him.  I think the boys might think he is never coming at this point, which I don’t blame them, and I wonder the same thing on occasion. But we are just ready to see who he is. What will he be?  How will he teach us to love more?  When will he understand his brothers’ love for him?  How badly they want to know him.

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All of the unknowns that you embrace and welcome as you feel their not so welcome (but contradictory grateful for) jabs to your ribs that you know you will miss even as you watch them run around.  How lucky are we?  But really.  We hope and we try and we love and we get to help shape these little people into what we think the world needs while giving them the room to become what they think the world needs.

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And we are about to start the process all over again.

Bluebonnets 025Which means that just like that Caden and Everett will age at least five years in my eyes over the birth of their newest brother and for that, I am not ready.  I spend a little extra time snuggling Everett at bedtime, breathing in the last days of him being “my baby” and every ounce of Caden that isn’t just a helper, and the biggest brother and the “you are old enough to do…” because as I know all too well now, it just goes too fast.  These years that our sleep deprived brains beg to pass for some independence, predictability or organized chaos are gone just like that.  In the big picture of their lives as children and our roles as parents these years are so short and so small and yet so important.  And so here we are…waiting for the any moment addition to our family while breathing in and loving on every moment of our current four.  The final days of what we know as we excitedly await what is in store.

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