The Life of the Kazmanns

For any of you who have “settled down” or are in your own place HGTV is probably on your TV quite often - Sundays maybe?  Okay fine, some of you single folk might apply to this as well.  Okay fine, some of you hate HGTV and have never turned it on.  I however hadn’t really tuned in until my brother and sister in law, the parents to JP and  Braiden exposed me to its addictiveness on Sundays at their house.  So now, in addition to laundry tossing, apron wearing housewife you can add avid watcher of HGTV and have a few laughs at my domestic attributes.  Done laughing? Thank you.

It is more of a background channel for me, but then the dangerous ideas set in…
- “Oh, look at that so re-tiling your bathroom isn’t hard at all. I just need….”
- “I had no idea you could knock down a wall like that.  My office would be so much bigger if that wall wasn’t there.”
- ” A deck is just what we need.  Lumber and a saw, a few nails. No problem.”

Colter, however is very logical and practical and doesn’t let these things happen in his home mainly because his “vision” doesn’t often match mine until I am through.  Once I am through he is satisfied.   However, if you remember he has not been home much lately.  In addition to the absent supervisor, I am on summer break.  No, I have not been home very much, but I have made the most of it and previous breaks during the year.  Poor Colter knows that when my Dad comes in town he should always come home and instead of saying, “Honey, I’m hooooome!” he should immediately ask “Honey, what did you do to the house today?”  I should also mention that during my long  life on this planet, color on the walls was a no-no because we were always going to have to re-sell the house.  I have lived in beige, grey and white for 24 years and you know what? (why do I always ask you questions when we aren’t actually speaking?) I’m painting away.  Shoot, if you don’t like it you can always change it back.  So, for kicks I thought I would share some of the projects I got myself into and I never completely go in over my head. 

1. Guest Room #1 - Before…and After. From Funky to Serene

       

 Aaaaahhhh now I want to go take a nap upstairs in this room.

2. Empty Dining Room (Still empty, but now prettier) - thank you Dad and Drew
      

 3. Downstairs Bath or as some may call it, the Powder Room.
         

 4. The Coffee Table (Thanks to Julia’se-mail tutorial and encouragement)
And before you ask, yes the edges and top of the new table are supposed to look worn.

Whew! The saws, drills, paint supplies and drop cloths are finally put away (for now)and Contractor Kazmann is on break for a week or so.  Although, Colter is gone a couple days next week….maybe I should look at that tile in the bathroom!

Advice
- If you are going to change anything in your house, you have to commit to it.  Just do it.
- To save $$$$ look around your house and move picture frames from different areas and change them out rather than buy new ones
- Invest in a brush spinner.  You can only get them at true paint stores now (not Home Depot) but it will save you tons of time when cleaning brushes and money because you won’t have to buy new brushes!
- Don’t let your dogs in the room you are painting.  Especially if they are white and like to lean against walls.
- Don’t tell your husband you are doing it until it is done and he comes home. Just tell him you have been watching TV and eating ice cream all day.  Trust me, he will believe it.
- Enlist help in the form of your Dad and Brother when necessary….but only if they are handy.  If they aren’t, don’t ask.
- Remember, if you didn’t like it before the worst thing (potentially) is that you still aren’t going to like it.  Just like your hair color, you can always change it back.

Continue reading

While long distance relationships have quite the bad reputation, I on the other hand give them a two thumbs up for success.  No  I am not talking about Colter although his traveling schedule could almost qualify us under this category, and no  I am not talking about  a man on the side (I mean puh-lease, I am not dumb enough to publicly blog about that…duh!) I am talking about friendships.  Several of my friends that I have had the longest live nowhere near me….maybe that is why we are still friends.  Oh no, I think I just realized I am that hard to be around!  Regardless, friends are friends and we make a point to see each other despite our distances and busy schedules.  Brianne, who is based in California went on a week long cruise with me this past spring and Christine who has settled down in Tulsa is coming in town on Wednesday for a date.  Even those girls I can count on that are near like Leah, Emily and Kirby have set aside days just for us.  It truly is all about making time and a week ago I was able to make five days worth of time for a trip to Arizona to visit Jordy.

I was blessed as a naive, nervous freshman in college with a wonderful suite mate.  I always “label” Jordan as my roommate freshman year because my roommate got kicked out (a little problem with an illegal substance) and hers was in and out, so we shared our bathroom and our lives.  Jordan, or Jordy as I have called her for six years is just one of those people you wish everyone had.  A loyal friend, a smart woman and just a solid, good friend.  I am so proud of her (yes I know I am not her mother) for moving out to Arizona on her own and making a life for herself.  She has done so well and I keep reminding her of how happy she is going to be that she had these years to herself 10 years from now.

The other thing we are going to be happy we have ten years from now is each other.  She wrote a great entry about how no matter how long it has been we are always able to pick right back up where we left off.  We also don’t let ourselves be clueless as to what is going on in each other’s lives, and yes we both put the work in but every time it is as if we have seen each other every day.  Jordy was a wonderful hostess as she dealt with me being sick and exhausted my first day ( I literally slept for 24 hours)and then continued to chauffeur me around town and to Sedona!   I know she is in good hands when I am not there because I was able to spend time with several of her friends and she must be relaxed enough because the views in Arizona are stunning.  We both agreed that this should become an annual trip and as long as she is there I will go out to remind her of her Texas upbringing.  Once she leaves though…I am thinking Mexico, or Napa or well anywhere really.  It was so nice to reminisce about the good old days, catch up on the current days and plan again for the future.

Mr. and Mrs. Hackney, thank you for raising such a wonderful girl for me to have as one of my best friends.  I will always be indebted to you for her. (And yes…I tore apart my coffee table and successfully put it back together again!)

Oh and after two rounds of guessing in the Snapshots section there was only one big winner - Dad!  Although, I did like how after guessing Leah pointed out she should have paid attention to the trees in the background  for a size reference since she thought it was a small sundial!  The piece of peace was in fact and old water wheel from a mill but it goes to show you how you can make something old and rusty quite beautiful from a different angle!  Thanks Jordy for the trip to Sedona!  Today’s tip - get yourself in a long distance relationship, or uhhhh friendship.  Not only will it make your bond stronger and test your dedication, you will get to visit amazing places along the way!

Continue reading

For the past five days, I relocated myself to Arizona to visit a wonderful friend of mine, who is in fact from Texas…she just works in Arizona  now, but she will never be from there. Never.  I am so glad I could clear that up for you, because I know you were concerned and we all would hate that.  So, now that I cleared that up, I am going to clarify were I am right this very moment.  The Phoenix Airport.  Despite my past feelings about waiting in the airport, today I am ansy and not digging it.  I can’t get comfy, my eyes are too tired to read, someone next to me is eating something that smells like vomit (literally) and I haven’t seen one person smile.

 Either way, I always take mental and written notes as I travel of all the humorous, unbelievable, sad, outrageous and down right moronic things I watch take place because as I have said before if traveling is good for only one thing, it is for sure, people watching.  Until I can sit down and re-cap the trip I thought I would share a few short tales from this trip’s travels.

Humorous - I saw three different people sprinting barefoot through the terminal to catch a plane.  I hope that is never me, and while it may be one day I hope someone watching me enjoys it as much as I did, because frankly, it never gets old.

Sad- While waiting on the passengers of a connecting flight to board I read my book in my aisle seat.  Across the aisle and one row up was Mr. Blackberry who I got a snooty vibe from when I boarded and chose not to sit next to him.  There was only a middle seat left in Mr. Blackberry’s row and not too much longer had passed when a shaky, older man who was navigating the aisle with his cane approached the row.  Tired and not wanting to walk back any further he decides he should probably sit here.  Mr. Blackberry is OBLIVIOUS.  So, Mr. Cane looks at him and very quietly, and very politely says “Excuse me, would it be okay if I sat there? Do you think you could let me by?”  Finally Mr. Blackberry gets out of his aisle seat and stares at this man who has a hanging bag and a shoulder satchel which he is struggling with.  Again, he has to ask the man for help before it is offered because the bins are full and well, he is weak.  Mr. Blackberry is all huffy about it.  At this point I am showing him where his bags can fit and as it is obvious to me that getting in that middle seat is a ridiculous task for him I quickly offer up my aisle seat, no big deal.  But alas, he could not accept a seat from a woman and make her more uncomfortable.  I mean seriously I didn’t mind and tried again, nothing.  You would think at this point, this might wake up Mr. Blackberry into being a decent, elder respecting if nothing else, human being and offer his, but nope…he just stood and watched him shake and shimmy into the seat. (He then left him there when we landed without offering to get his bags, or help him out.)  One day that will be you, or your father Mr. Blackberry and you are going to be sorry.

Kind - An Iraq Veteran was sitting next to an elderly cowboy at the gate in DFW on the way here.  Mr. Cowboy was speaking on his phone to Mrs. Cowboy when his battery died and the poor man was looking everywhere for an outlet.  Mr. Veteran sees an outlet way under a row of contaminated airport seats (the airport makes me a germ freak) , jumps up, walks him over there and asks if he can plug it in there. He then proceeds to swiftly fall into a push up position, shimmy under the seats and plug in elderly Mr. Cowboy’s phone.  At least there is some respect left with some people.  I later thanked him for his service and sacrifices because well, even if they don’t want to be bothered, I think all veterans should be thanked and acknowledged.

Moronic - Hippy Mom and family get to the security gates and whoops, we need boarding passes?  What about ID?  Go figure, they can’t find any of them.  Business men are tapping feet and I am thinking about what great material this is.  The hippy kids are mortified, but have no solutions because they too are just as dumbfounded and/or dumb but I am by no means making that a judgement.  Here they are, bags spilled out in front of the TSA stand digging for anything resembling proof to pass.  Whooo-hoooo they found it!  So, they get to the trays and take none. (Yes, I stayed behind them to see how this played out.)  They just start piling their shoes and bags right there on the conveyor belt while everyone stares not really wanting to help to also see exactly how this plays out. TSA is less than amused which I do not blame them for and once their goods are sorted into bins it is time to go through, or so you would think.  I kid you not, each member had to pass through the scanner 3 - 5 times because they kept not taking everything off.  Your shoes are still on.  Do you have anything in your pockets? Oh look, a handful of change.  What about the other pocket? Nope. I swear. I think there is something in your other pocket ma’am. Oh, my cell phone.  This went on and on.  The best part is that once they got through the TSA employee informed them that he was going to have to search one of their carry ons.  The lady replied, “Oh, it is probably the two pounds of tobacco in there.” (I would not be the least bit surprised if it was “special tobacco”, a little grass if you will.)

Outrageous -   During my journey here I was fortunate enough to walk down the tunnel between two country “gentlemen”.  The first turns to the second and says, “Bill, do you drink in the morning?” He replies, “Of course Joe, but only Scotch and Gin.” (only…duh) Joe, looking relieved turns back to Bill, “Thank God because I am ordering a dozen.”  Ladies and gentlemen, he did.  It was 8 a.m.

Unbelievable - If I can help it, I try to avoid the airplane bathrooms at all costs.  I mean, yucko and I am not claustrophobic at all but those are enough to send you into a tailspin.  Lets just say the mile high club is a negative. Sorry. I have digressed.  Okay, so….I REALLY never use them, I would rather be miserable.  But I was just that miserable.  I drank a bottle of water at the airport (mistake #1) and participated in the wonderful in-cabin service (mistake #2) and my bladder was full.  I begrudgingly walk up to the bathroom to see an OLD man coming out.  I open the door and I swear to you, that old man marked every surface in that bathroom.  Needless to say, I turned around and returned to my seat.  I decided being miserable was better than taking a urine shower.  Never again I tell you, never again.

Happy Travels Everyone.
Happy - Freaking - Travels.

Continue reading

You obviously are getting this delayed (well it is obvious to me) since I actually penned this three hours ago on a school spiral while I lived out my biggest fear.
(cue dramatic music heavy with drumbeats)

I am writing this as I am sitting along the cold, rock-hard wall in the basement of my hotel room.  Hmmm…you are thinking, “I never got the privilege of visiting a hotel basement, to what do you owe that wonderful opportunity?”  I am so glad you asked.  We were swiftly “evacuated” to this “safe spot” while whatever higher power you believe in decided if the tornadoes were going to choose us.  Why be afraid of what you can’t control?  That is exactly it - this thing that I can’t control can literally and figuratively tear apart the life I have built.  Yes I am aware that I am being a drama mama saying that, which is rare, but I told you, this is biggest fear stuff here.

Since my years as a true youngsters being terrified of storms and tornadoes has been the case for me.  I vividly remember Dad always wanting to go outside to see the green, swirly sky and search for funnels.  Myself, I was always wanting to prematurely plant myself in bathtub with pillows and mattresses on top of me.  Yes, I prefer suffocation via mattress to a real life spin cycle.

If you want me to get all philosophical and reflective about it as you so often enjoy, I have come to two specific things that I believe instilled in me the value of fearing a good storm.  That is right, I said value, because well I like to think of it as valuing my safety and life. Here we go…
1. Motion Sickness -
It has always been a problem and if I had to make a prediction, it always will be.  Therefore the thought of being involved with anything that twists, turns, spins or flips is practically equivalent to stabbing myself in the eye. (Yes I am aware that the likelihood of me being sucked into a tornado and watching/feeling myself spin like in the movie “Twister” is about as likely as me purposely stabbing myself in the eye, but still.)

2. Wizard of Oz
Simply stated, I will be damned if I end up in Oz and the Land on the Munchkins.
(I watched and loved this movie every single day during kindergarten and while I would still kill for those ruby slippers, a trip to the wizard leaves something to be desired.  So no thanks Dorothy, I will pass.)

There you have it, the basis of my fear.  Call it reasonable or not.  Regardless, I have it and it is here to stay.  No enjoying the sound of the rain and the power of the thunder here, I will take trembling with the dogs instead.  Speaking of, lets add to this night terror I am already feeling. (Yay!)
- My husband is “stuck” at the Rangers baseball game.  I say “stuck” because well it is dollar hot dog night so it might be a smidge more tempting to hang around longer.  However, he is outside.
- I can’t get my mind off of my beloved pups who are all alone at the house, shivering alone.  The poor things get so nervous and confused that they will hide under anything. (Preferable Colter’s dirty clothes pile on his side of the closet. Mmmmmmm)
- Last but not least, I am living this, my biggest fear, out with hairsprayed, dancing high-schoolers.  While yes I love them, lets just say they aren’t exactly the company I would like to go out with.

The lights are flickering, there is nonstop banter on walkie talkies and the thunder is eery.  Claustrophobia would not serve you will here, yet hear I am writing away and chewing mad piececs of gum to calm myself. (Woooo-sawwwwww, wooooo -sawwwww…just say it, you will relax)  Whatever gets the job done right?

Update - As you can tell we survived and are not still in the basement.  Colter made it home.  The dogs cried when he made it home.  All of our window screens are blown off.  The flowers are bloomless.  Celebrate, because the grill survived.  Say a prayer for me, because storms round two is about to begin.  Woooo-sawwwww.

Continue reading

Anyone ready to rescue me?  I am currently in a hotel, 10 minutes from my home at highschool drill team camp with my Officers.  The officers being the few girls chosen to lead the entire dance team which this year is 39 girls.  For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about bare with me and it will be explained soon .  (You will be begging for me to stop)  The real reason for the random update is that I am suffering from a severe case of deja vu.  Or as I am currently calling it,  deja who? -  because I am running into more familiar “blast from the past” faces that are rocking my world.  While yes I knew that taking this job would bring back a lot of that, my head is swimming.  Okay drowning.

I am sure you have done this to yourself as well - returned to somewhere from your childhood or past that you hadn’t been to/seen in awhile.  So much is EXACTLY the same, which is almost as unnerving as the things that have been changed.  Do you say hello, do you reintroduce and the most awkward where to begin???  I mean let’s be honest, when someone asks the infamous “How have you been?” or “What has happened in your life?” how honest should you be.  I am trying to not “define” my life by the unfortunate things that have happened but most who knew me in this life, knew my family.  The involvement of my parents in my dancing life was huge so you can imagine how the events of the past few years are a tad bit challenging to incorporate into a casual update.

Okay yes there are MANY wonderful and positive things I could add to my “what has been going on” list but as you can see, they immediately get dwarfed, then people feel guilty, and the pity starts.  So……I try to avoid as many awkward reunions as possible.  Deja who, however has made that difficult.  So, what do you do…skip over it.  I tried that.  Rush through it?  You always get stopped by the, “wait what???”.  Carry on people, carry on.

When you visit the places from your past that bring you sadness, acknowldege it and then trudge on through because frankly I am too busy to stop there and you should be too.  It is always so humbling to come back to times like this with the experience of having done it and having a new outlook…hilarious in fact.

Bless my family for dealing with all of the “drama” that comes along with the roles of being a drill team officer.  If I didn’t say it then (I am sure I didn’t) I am saying it now.

1. Drew, thank you for allowing me to make cookies and treats only for the dance team and not you, and only being slightly furious.

2. Dad, thank you for not forcing me to be a “real athlete” as you men would call it and making me use my lack of eye/hand coordination to catch a ball. ( I have improved though - Colter has had me practice)

3. I am sorry I broke your heart and didn’t get a swimming or water polo scholarship.  I thought you might disown me when I chose dance over swimming into high school.

I don’t really need rescued.  While yes hearing “yes ma’am” every other second makes me feel OLD, and I have realized that I need more arch support as well as a good night’s sleep I am still kicking - literally (ugh) and figuratively.  Hopefully your next blast from the past will be pleasant and have more “Hey!” moments than “Oh no, who was that again?”  Just call it Deja Who?

Continue reading

Throughout this, I have placed a series of snapshots that “inspired” this writing, and exhibit the most innocent and glowing example, of summertime youth.  With three days of school left, the presence of summer has well passed knocking at my front door and is currently sitting next to me.  In fact, it has an arm wrapped around me - the junior high movie date move if you will.  Since Memorial Day weekend I have had WAY more than a summer bug and as the heat creeps up on us and my student’s excitement is felt vibrating around my classroom, I am yet again reminded of how youthful the season of summer is.

While family memories take you back to the days when you would spend all day diving for rings in a pool, doing flips off diving boards, running the neighborhood and roaming the woods I think of one word - stamina.  In the summer you would literally go until you just crashed.  You think everything tastes better in the summer, even a simple spaghetti dinner simply because you have worked yourself up for it that much harder.  Sunburns, bare feet, water-fights, sprinklers, pop-sicles, magnifying glasses and sidewalks, flashlight tag, trampolines, swimming, water, the lake, water-sports (see a theme there), family, road-trips, strawberry shortcake, sleepovers, fishing, sandboxes, sandcastles, reading with Mom, grilling out with Dad, following Drew and casualties in the form of cuts, bruises, broken bones and stitches are all things that were a main part of my summers.  At least what I now remember of them. 

Getting older the  love for summer shifts, especially for those of you who aren’t in the education field where summer is now as Colter and Mark said just “An uncomfortably hot season.”  However, again, having youngsters in the family now allows us to experience summer as kids again.    It is these moments, the first swim, the outdoor excursions and the family time that bring the summer spirit back to life. 

When is the last time you did a cannonball into a pool?  I should specify…as an adult, unless you have children with you at a public pool whom you are goofing around with, doing this alone will only leave you will disgruntled looks from nearby sunbathers.  Who cares?  Yes, I know your wife does…but other than that.

How about the last time you were a recipient of a careless sunburn?  Checked that one off my list this past weekend.  No, it isn’t necessary and yes I know all of you super-safe sunscreen Nazis are angry at me.  However, as I suffer, a teeny piece of me feels like a kid who wouldn’t get out of the pool and now needs a tub of aloe.

Okay, I thought of another one for you.  Can you think of the last time you ate a popsicleoutside and more of it dripped down the stick than made it into your mouth?  How about your margarita melted?  Regardless, stop thinking about the mess it is making.  Stop wiping off your kid and enjoy it.  Let yourself and them have that one messy, summer memory.

When is the last time you looked at a dandelion as if it was the most beautiful and intriguing gift nature could give you?  I am guessing the last time you saw one, you got angry there were weeds in your yard.  Hang around a child for a moment, especially to experience their wonder as this magical thing suddenly disappears.  You will be refreshed and I guarantee you will remember.

I used to get so angry as a kid when I would see mom pulling out these beautiful flowers with their bright yellow petals and thick green stems….so sad to see the white cotton balls fly away without a wish, or a breath from my mouth.  On Saturday, at 10 months old Cathryn was in the backward with me toddling around.  She turned and her eyes fixed on this magnificent creation.  I snatched my camera because by the look of fascination in her eyes I knew this was something no one would want to miss.  A child’s appreciation of summer.  A barely a toddler’s appreciation of the season that we all used to have too. 

She saw that dandelion and HAD to have it.  She just had to know what it was. She planted her feet by that dandelion and stared.  She wiggled her bottom closer.  She reached out several times as if to grab it but not quite yet.  She stared some more.  She put her face right up to it.  The moment of truth…she grabbed it.  After a good five minuted of careful consideration, her prize that she so delicately reached for out of curiosity fell into her hand and onto the grass.  Another summer romance shattered.  Maybe next time Cathryn…maybe next time.  I suggest we all re-create some summer memories this year.

Continue reading

I think that might be the title of my first kids book.  You could read it as an enthusiastic surprise of ”Good, Morning Creatures!”  or the straightforward “Good (as in not bad) Morning (as in not night) Creatures (as in wild lil’ animals).”  Personally as an expert on the beloved “Goodnight Moon” that seems to be every stinking kiddos favorite, maybe I will go with a play on it and leave it at the polite greeting of, “Good Morning Creatures.”  The title is not the point, and no you currently cannot tell me it is a terrible title because in fact, it is not a book…not even in the works.  However, yesterday morning during my 5 a.m. run (yes, my body will move at that time in the morning) my life turned into a children’s book.  So I present to you, the interpret the title as you want, “Good Morning Creatures!”

Settle in folks, you don’t want to miss it, and…..ROLL SCENE

Bo-pup’s eyebrows tickled her face until her eyes cracked open, reaching his goal.  Once seeing his mother, or who he believed to be his mother was awake to start yet another day, they pounced.  You see, Bo-Pup and his eyebrows were not alone.  Right alongside the velvety snow white coat of Bo was Thrasher the cloud. No, no, no, not an actual cloud another pup.  This pup though, looked just like a cloud, all fluffy and creamy with a feather-duster tail,  just asking to be squeezed.  As was their “up to no good” morning routine, they covered their mom’s sleepy face with wet, bubble gum pink tongue - kisses until she gave in.

One swift movement and “Plop!” out of bed and standing, all three of them were trotting to the kitchen.  Okay, mom wasn’t trotting and Dad was still snoring, but the pups were definitely trotting….prancing…frolicking…jingling their collars like jingle bells the entire way.  “She’s up, she’s up again!  You know what this means Thrasher?” said Bo.  “FOOD!!! Food, food, food! I love it when she gives us food!” screamed Thrasher in his morning whimpers while balancing precisely on two legs, like a clown on stilts.

You see, Thrasher’s vocabulary is a little more limited than Bo’s.  Bo will hold full conversations with you but Thrasher keeps to his favorites.  Food.  Snuggle.  Play.  Fetch.  Sleep.  Pet.  Pick me Up. (insert illustrations of each activity here)  Despite sticking to their favorite activities, when they see mom’s sneakers after breakfast they look  like toddlers amped up on sugar. They leap, and twist, and twirl, and fly, and race, and speed across the house with eyes wide open, waiting to here the magic words. “Are you ready to go for a WALK?”  Mom whispers attempting to let her husband pretend like the whole house isn’t alive this early in the morning.  The problem is, once those words come out of her mouth, it is game time.  The leaping and twisting and twirling and flying and racing and speeding across the house gets pushed up from toddlers on sugar to kids at a birthday party level and then starts the frantic barking.

“Bark…WE’RE GOING!!!!”  ”Woof, WHOO-HOOOO the neighborhood is ours again.”    “Cry….I can’t wait, I can’t wait.”   “Yelp..If I have to wait one more second I am going to pee right here.”

The sudden darkness of the morning makes the trio pause in the drive and adjust.  No birds chirping yet.  Just crickets and secadas.  No time for taking in the peace because Bo-pup and Thrasher are off!  Fortunately mom was hoping for a run as they pulled out their leashes to their limits like a stretched slinky, weaving a path down the sidewalk stopping at each mailbox and hydrant. (I mean…its a kids book people, and kids want dogs to stop at hydrants. Deal with it.)

There they were, free as an uncaged hamster, owning the neighborhood when “BAM!” The dogs jump, Mom jumps, and everyone’s eyes fly open!  “Why hello Mr. Pete, the Possum.” Bo snarled in a scared and frantic bark definitely not welcoming his appearance.  Mr. Possum taunted them with his rope like tail and said,”Don’t you snap at me.  This is my time.  The only time I can come out and enjoy the land. Do you think I am nocturnal because I want to be? Huummppphhh! If I come out in a few hours and rule the day like you I will either become roadkill or a dog toy.  No one likes a possum, I know it, so leave me alone.”  Possum scurried off and up a tree while the pups decided if they were going to calm down like Mom pleaded, or drag her over.  Seconds later they saw Mr. Possum curl his tail and swing from the tree hoping to be left again to his lonesome self.  Bored by his retreat, the dogs chose to be kind to Mom and loosened their pull.

The pitter patter of paws and sneakers continued on the pavement as everyone’s heart rates steadied into a cardio rhythm again, happy to be on their way and alone.  Thankful that there weren’t any injuries from the possum dispute, Mom was glad to be reaching the halfway point.  The dogs’ rubber band tongues had stretched out of their mouths and were flopping to the sides.  They smiled as the spit flew from their tongues with each step until…..”SMACK!” Right in front of them sleeping along the fence, was Mr. Arnold, the armadillo.  Mr. Arnold really creeps Mom out with its silvery, armor like exterior, cable like tail, and nail like claws. 

She couldn’t help it.  After almost tripping over Pete the Possum and then this, she screamed.  Yelped was more like it.  Just once.  Bo on the other hand was thrilled.  Having caught Mr. Arnold’s cousin in the past by the tail (and yes letting it go after Mom intervened with a broom) he was ready for a challenge. “Noooooo, please, please,” begged Arnold the Armadillo.  “I will get out of your way, I am so sorry to bother you, please don’t mind me, I can leave, its fine, aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” he rambled as he ran.  Funny enough, even though Arnold’s hard shell is protective he didn’t enjoy the visit from his neighborhood “pals”.  In fact, he curled into his ‘fraidy-cat” ball and rolled down the hill along the rickety, wooden fence.  ‘So much for that game,” whined Thrasher drooping his tail to a new low.  “Forget the jog, we are sprinting,” decided Mom and they sped off.

With the last turn in sight Mom increased their speed even more willing them to be at the front door of their home.  They rounded the corner between the last two lamp posts when Mom stopped cold, dropped the leashes and began flailing wildly while shrieking.   Her arms will getting all twisted around her face, and her legs were jumping up like a soldier marching on fast-forward.  Bo and Thrasher being too confused at the sight of their calm, gentle mother being anything but calm and gentle just sat and stared in amazement instead of taking the “free leash” opportunity to run.  “What’s gotten into her?” Bo questioned, tilting his head at Thrasher.  “Play! She wants to play!” replied Thrasher beginning to get excited.  “You nit-wit.  You may be my brother, and I may take care of you, but geeeeeezzzz, does she really look like she wants to play?”  Thrasher pondered this for a second and then decided Bo was right, she probably didn’t want to play.  She must want to snuggle.

While the dogs carried on, Mom still danced so to speak around the cul-de-sac frantically. “Uh-ohhhhhh, I got it, ” Bo thought knowing he couldn’t help much with this, but enjoying the entertainment.  I think Mom ran into Steve, Silvia and their family.  “Steve and Silvia?”  You know brother, “Steve and Silvia, the spiders from Sacramento…they just moved here and got settled in on that lamppost.”   Poor Mom, she was so tangled in spider web she felt like a trapped fish.  Her hair had gotten longer with the web that was attached to it, and there, decorating the top of her head, was Steve himself.

“How rude!  I had just finished setting up the living room when you came tearing around that corner with no care for anyone else.  You ruined my house!”  In his hate at that moment, the spider spun a little extra web right on top of her for impact and then leapt back onto the post.

Mom, defeated, slowly picked up the leashes and walked the last block home looking as though she had lost a major battle.  The dogs, who were successfully worn out yet happy to have strolled the neighborhood were back to prancing, excited to be home again.  The front door swung open as the dogs ran ahead leaving Mom trailing behind wishing she could return to bed to recover, but there in front of her was Mr. Kazmann, awake. “Nice walk?” he asked somewhat sarcastically, somewhat seriously.  “We ran into a few morning creatures who wanted to tell us ‘Good Morning’,” Mom replied almost in tears.  She made a mental note, that maybe she, Bo and his eyebrows and Thrasher with his feather duster tail should wait until the sun comes up to venture the neighborhood again.

  ”Good Morning Creatures” by Casey Kazmann (Copyright 2009) has been brought to you by Bo (and his eyebrows) as well as Thrasher (with his feather duster tail).  They have helped turn real-life nightmares into this highly entertaining children’s book series.  The moral of this one? Sleep in.  Continue looking on your bookshelf for the upcoming adventures including topics like -

- I have poop on my behind and I can’t get it off.
- I rolled in the mud and mulch after the rain because it looked like fun.
- I played with a wasp and lost. My face is now a balloon

And my personal favorite….
- I ate all of your hair bands and they are now stuck in my stomach.

Continue reading

I present to you….the eye twitch.  That one there on the left, yes your left, yes the one with the crazy eyebrow and clumpy eyelashes.  (What can I say, it was a long day.)  For four weeks and three days now, I have had an eye twitch.  Twitch….twitch….twitch.  It occurs at a quicker pace than the hiccups and is actually more obnoxious than them too.I stinking despise the hiccups so let your mind wonder and pick an adjective that describes how I feel about this eyelid pulling, constant distraction that is taking over my life.  Dramatic? I think not.  You deal with this thing and then tell me how you would explain your feelings about it to people.  Here is the best part.  Did you know that an eye twitch has a “scientific name”?  Blepharospasm.

Let it roll off your tongue as we say it aloud together now, blepharospasm.  Nope, you mispronounced it, try again.  Bleh (like yuck that tastes gross) faro (Spanish for far I kid. ) spa (no, not for massages, like spat but without the ‘t’) zim (I got nothing). Perfect, blehpharospasm, an eye twitch.  Okay, there is actually a better part than the best part which might seem impossible to you, but in my life, just this once it is possible.  So, I have had the eye twitch for four weeks and three days but add to that the headache I have had for 6 weeks and 5 days and I am a complete joy to be around. 

The causes are as follows
- Stress - Why thank you I had no idea.  Yes I agree that I should handle stress better and of course I would like to not let it build up.
- Fatigue- Hmmmmm….I should probably be in bed then. Darn, ruined that one.
- Nervous System Disorders - Been there done that, already in the medical file.
- Staring at a Computer Screen for Too Long- Hmmmmm…I should probably be reading a book instead of typing a blog. Darn, ruined that one too.

The hubs tells me that I need to learn to manage stress better because obviously this is where it is coming out.  So I have been brainstorming on how to do that.  Here is what I came up with to assist in this cure.  First, I need a beach, a frozen beverage, and a cabana boy.  Second, I need to spend more time  behind the lens.  That being said, I am going to need to add a new toy to my repertoire.  Third…oh crap, I might as well stop, you get the idea.  I’m too busy for meditation, and well I can’t even meditate to begin with.  My jumbled teacher brain wanders to my to-do list not a place of peace.  All the yoga classes are during work and lately I haven’t even had time to write.  Usually writing does it but I haven’t had time and well, the twitch is so mind-numbing that it has given me ”writer’s block” which is just an excuse for ”I have nothing to say because one of my eyes has lost its marbles and is off the reservation, oh and I can’t rope it back in to make it stop!”  (And then I ramble…and make crazy run-on sentences) Whew!  What, make time did you say?  Thank you for the advice, I hadn’t even thought of that. I CAN”T!!!!!  If I make time, then I lose more sleep from what I am already not getting.  Guess what though?  There is light at the end of the tunnel…in 10 days my daily time allowance is going to double and if this freaking thing doesn’t go away then, I’m going in for a brain scan stat-Izzy Steven’s style.  I know, I just pathetically ended this post with a Grey’s Anatomy reference but well, I blame it on the twitch.

(Update: There may be a twitch, and a headache, but I stood ground on those principles and the results have been quite nice and unexpected. )

Continue reading

Lovely that is.  As in, “Isn’t She Lovely?”.  So I am asking you if I am lovely.  Are you with me now?  I think I may have lost myself.

Hold up the trophy folks and please make it prettier than the Dancing With the Stars disco ball, because I have “won” my first “blog award” thanks to the wonderful, charming and lovely Jordan.  What award you ask?

The lovely award.  My blog is lovely.  Or I am lovely.  Maybe both.  Possibly neither.  But I still won it…so there.  That wasn’t a very lovely thing to say, now was it? Here is the thing, lately I have been blogpated, as in not able to blog.  Blogpated  due to well…stress, time, exhaustion and oh yeah, the eye twitch (we will get to that later) so this dainty award is just what I needed to kick my lovely rear in gear and get to it.  Plus, it just makes me want to drink tea any buy pink roses which doesn’t happen often.  Regardless, I am going to try and act lovely for a second which forced me to do some research.

Lovely (adj.) 1. gracefully or delicately attractive 2. beautiful in character 3. highly pleasing

Hmmmmm…..how did I get this again?  I mean I know I am gorgeous (duh) and character?  I invented beautiful character - that is what swearing and sarcasm weave themselves into like yarn in a scarf…character.  Oh wait.  Number three - highly pleasing.  That must be it.  At least I hope so.  I’ll let you think about that one for a bit. (I apologize, apparently really short sentences are my thing today.)  Nevermind, I forgot, this award is about the blog not me.  Silly me, always thinking of myself. Me - Me - Me! (there is a little Kidd Kraddick in the Morning reference for ya’ kids.)   Even so, I am glad someone thinks this blog applies to the above definitions, especially the last one.

As with anything good in life, there comes a downside (how was that for pessimism?) and with my fan-freaking-tastic award comes rules.  The newfound rebel in me is not a fan of these…that’s right I said I am a rebel and you can stop laughing, I can hear you.   The rules are that I must post the award (so see, I wasn’t showing off) and let you in on who gave it to me….and then the tough part, I have to re-gift.  I am not a re-gifter.  I am to try and not only let you in on Jordy, but on eight other blogs that I love to thus give you, some lovely reading.  Get it…I got the lovely award, and now will show you others I love, so you can have something lovely to do.  Buuuuuuuutttttttt, I don’t want to pick eight just to pick eight.  So I am only going to show you those I think are in fact lovely for various reasons. (And some I newly stumbled upon that aren’t yet listed on the blog roll) Lovely because every item on the site is lovely, lovely for the artistic value and lovely because well their love and life is just lovely.  I am tired of saying lovely.

1. Oh La Tart - Be warned, you will want to purchase each adorable item she shows you and describes.  A dear friend of mine finds these precious things and then applies them to her life and shows us all why we need them.  Dangerous I tell you.

2. Phillip Glickman - A friend of a friend….you know the drill.  You will get wrapped up in his photos.  Lovely indeed

3. Sixth Seal - So the above friend, who lead me to Phillip’s page is the creator of Sixth Seal and an amazing videographer.  I went to highschool and technically college with Luke and his talent is incredible.  You must check out his video of SXSW on his blog as well as his latest footage from Europe.

4. The Pettijohns - Natalie might be one of the cutest, sweetest girls I have had the pleasure of knowing and getting to dance next to in high school.  As many of us do, she now chronicles her adventures here and I am not going to send you to tons of baby blogs but well, she is preggers and adorable, and buying everything a pregnant woman could dream of. :)  Did I mention they are in the process of a cross-country move and baby is due in August?  Talk about adventure…

Continue reading